-
08/05/2012-2:33 p.m.
never been replaced.

-deceit
-dirty tricks
-drive home to drive home
-masked melancholy
-conversations beyond wall-thin
-manipulative stances
-third party 1,2,3 tales

yeah, i thought so.

every single movement scrutinized with a hawk's eye. i was, but a prey.

hastily or tactically mapped out, your intentions will never be comprehended. but one thing's absolute - i really don't know who you are.

i know somewhere deep within, you still exist somehow.

once in my life.

the poignant spiral. when did you decide to put a foot through the door, and allow yourself to be lost in the world that even alice wouldn't dare to explore?

rather, the question of when has been lost in the confounding trajectory of this spiral. i should be dishing out why, or how. yet, you've rendered me speechless.

where are you, really? even alice found her way home, somehow.

Paid with shillings and a heart of gold, such was and is your quiet expression of love for me. 

I remember ur bubbly personality, your cheeky nature, your aggressive motherly character, your most gentle soft heart. I miss all that.. I miss your smile, your straight smile, I miss your calls and the way u call me. I miss your cooking, your anxious Ang bao giving. I miss standing by the pillar watching u sit up and rub ur ailments. I miss your clear lucid memory, able to remember countless bus routes, telephone numbers, addresses and events. I remember your cutest laughter, your toothless grin, the way you are disgusting like me. How u would take ur dentures out in the middle of a meal, not close the door tightly when u pee, putting conditioner in ur hair refusing to wash it off thinking it's lotion. I miss you. I miss your cooking, I wish I had them more. I wish I talked to u more, I wished I visited u more, I wished I took more photos with you, I wish u had more birthdays I could go for. I miss u so much. I hate watchin u lie there so listlessly. Your right side all limp, your mouth slanted, your eyes barely open, trying hard to mumble sth knowing u are only making random vocalizations and getting frustrated at them. I know ur mind is still lucid I know u recognize us all. Yet u cant express urself verbally and physically. I can just imagine ur pain now. There's so mch u wanna say and do but now u can't. I wish so mch u could come home on new years eve for reunion dinner. I know u can't swallow now so u wouldn't be able to eat the food. It's the first time Ure not cooking. The first time Ure not gonna be there. The first time u can't walk. The first time u can't talk, the first time u can't smile seeing ur grandchildren and children and great-grandchildren. My heart burns at the thought of slowly losing u to age. I remember your many birthday celebrations. I remember how u enjoyed the food, I remember how u ate so happily. I remember every detail about you. The way you held ur chopsticks the way u hollered us to eat the way u refused to smile for the camera cos u were embarrassed. I miss ur Fu zhok tong, your porridge, your Siew ak, your fried bee hoon, your bean sprouts, your mun dong gu. I miss everything about you. I wish I had more time. I wish I could hear u call me one more time. Popo you have to be okay.. Chinese new year isn't Chinese new year without you.

My heart hurts and burns with a heaviness for u both.

I love you. Very very much.

and I'm back to square one.

(and so to dark)

-e.e cummings

good morning world. :)

and best of all, ill never be alone.

all the best!

so my internship at suntec singapore is coming to a close. its been a very enlightening and interesting experience but im really looking forward to waking up later and lazing around instead haha :D which is the true life of a bummer, of which someone can empathise with right now haha! :D

reena and xian are finally home! hehe it was so nice catching up with them yesterday over dinner and drinks. xian stop texting me everyday telling me you're watching the price is right on tv. some day soon, i will do the same hahahah!

two things to look forward to:

CAMPING
potentially MBS.
PDA!

<3 so happyyyy

its time to go.

til one day, you walked on by.
you stopped by me i don’t know why.
stretched out your hand and said come with me now.
from here, it’s just you and i.

so hold my hand, i say
stay with now, its okay
through the sunshine, through the rain
through the happy, through the pain.
ill walk with you through
through this journey, im with you.

when im eighty two,
it’ll still be you.

i had the sweetest surprise ever. i know alot alot of time, effort and money went into this :) thank you so so much from the bottom of my heart. ill never forget this birthday..

i didnt have a 21st birthday, but this really trashes every single macs and house parties ive had growing up HAHA!

thank you for all your love, for making the time to come down and for all your well wishes. i really appreciate it alot. :) hugs i know i was stunned for the longest time but my heart just melted to the floor when i took off the blindfold. thank you so much for everything.

especially to amy: i know you put in so much effort into this. i know it took alot to coordinate and decide on the venue, and plan for everything - right down to the smallest detail. you really got me there hehe. from the bottom of my heart, thank you so so much for everything <3 love you.
to sexies and jinhui: thank you for everything :) it meant so much to me that you were there.
to rara: thank you so much for coming down :) thanks sam for coordinating all the way from adelaide. hugs miss you.
to my family and godfamily: happy birthday mom. hope you had a great counter surprise haha! thank you so much for making time to come down just for this. really appreciate it!
to my ac people: parties like these always remind me of us. :) i had such a good time with you all. thank you so much for coming.
to my team: thank you so much for the surprise :D you all really win the award for pokerfaces. haha! aww man when i took off the blindfold and saw you all there, i couldnt help but exclaim "what are you all doing here?!?!" cos i just saw you like a second ago at training haha! thanks so much for the drinks and for all the fun. hugs love you all.
to siew hoong: dinner with uncle frank? haha you win. thanks for all the rides. really appreciate it! =)
to vic: thank you for coming down. i hope you had fun even though you didnt know anyone else there. thanks alot! =)
to cot: thank you for coming down my dears. really appreciate you both being there. ive missed u lots! (and thank you for helping me to hound, van! haha)
to nurul and yangs: thank you for popping by nurul even though you had sth on. hugs. see u both on monday k!

im finally 22, and its been the best birthday ever. thank you everyone for your well wishes online and on fb too.

cheers!

thank you for all the laughter and all the memories. cant wait for more more more! (:

--------

just for you amy:

its been a very very eventful past few months, and im very thankful for all your love, all your care, all the surprises, all the excitment, all the fun, all the memories.

=D cheers to more.

the intelligent mind, the fearless heart.
that so melodiously yet strongly standing tall and marching forth.

she picks up a pen and so steadily soldiers on. with that one fire sparked, she builds a country with her eyes.

a country so beautifully crafted, so meticulously adorned, she invites her important resident. have some tea, take a walk: we'll call this place our home.

dream big dreams, hope for hope.
this home is stable, it will not shake. this country is rising, slowly but majestically.

work hard, pray and love:
someday this country will be a heaven.

aussie for my masters.

just when, that's all.

=)

Its tough but it isn't impossible.

Its going to be tough, will you be able to come out victorious?

I would love to see that happen :) if not, its still a victory without.

when I think of how ponyo falls asleep when ponyo is tired,
when I think of ponyo's cute fish tail moving like a curtain,
when I think of ponyo's eyes peeping from inside the pail,
when I think of ponyo's chicken limbs running,
when I think of ponyo stealing ham,
when I think of ponyo diaoing shosuke's (whatever his name is) friend,
when I think of ponyo running with the green pail and jumping onto shosuke,
when I think of ponyo stuck in a glass jar looking so deformed,
when I think of ponyo hiding under the jellyfish-

I smile to myself because of how vivid the imageries are in my head.

I have a crush on ponyo :)

bu dong; ji de.

forever and a day.

tsk spoilt brat spoilt silly.